Do you have a burning desire to learn more about BDSM? We’ve compiled the most useful hints and tricks for you below, along with some additional resources.

Prepare yourself by doing exercises and drills.

People who want to become a dominant party should pay attention to this tip. Shadesqueen cautions, “Don’t use an item on people right away.” “First, see how it works on a pillow, ball, or balloon. Then, when you’re sure you have the action under control, put it into action.”

Decide Who You Want To Work With Very Carefully

In BDSM, the key concept is confidence. It’s critical to know who you’re dealing with and feel secure before you start a game. You should avoid doing business with the first person you meet, advises Laura. In addition, look for a partner who understands and respects your personal boundaries. In addition to the numerous online dating services available to BDSMers, physical get-togethers and parties are a viable alternative (when the weather is allowed). VSSM, among other organisations, organises these in the Netherlands.

Create A To-Do List.

BDSM people frequently use a checklist to get to know one another better. It tells you, among other things, what kinds of activities you’ve done before, how much pleasure you’ve had, and how eager you are to learn something new. To have a “soft boundary” means not trying something now but considering it in the future. Hard boundaries are things you’d rather avoid trying.

Plan ahead of time for your stop words and gestures.

Stop words are essential for staying within your or someone else’s comfort zone. As a sub, you have the option of working with two stop words: one to indicate a slower pace and another that will immediately put an end to the game. Additionally, it’s critical to agree on gestures or cues. “If I take Laura’s breath away, she’ll be able to hit my hands with force. When that happens, I stop right away,” Martijn explains as an illustration.

After-care services should be made available.

In the aftermath of a BDSM session, aftercare or aftercare can include things like cuddling, tucking someone into bed, talking, or tending to their wounds. Shadesqueen says, “Everyone has their own needs in that regard.” As she puts it, the aftercare component of BDSM is essential for processing the role-play. Many emotions can be released when using BDSM because of the stress it causes. So it’s critical that you’re well-cared-for when the event is over. As a result, you may feel guilty and be mistreated in the form of a subdip.”


Disclose to your BDSM partner what it was like to play a game to them. In the short time that they’ve known each other, everyone makes mistakes, according to Martijn. Most importantly, it must be communicated so that everyone can benefit from it and continue to have faith in one another. Outside of your relationship, it’s a good idea to talk about your feelings in a group like a munch or on social media.

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